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September 2009 
Where have you been looking?
Posted on Oct 22nd, 2008
by 
DudeRun
DudeRun
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for October 19, 2008:
I've been trying to find someone to blame. Why is my life the way it is? Was it my dad? Was it my brother? How about my sister? It was definitely them, right? Wrong.
Of course I'm hindered by financial problems. There are some things you just can't help that isn't anyone's fault, it just happens. But the real problems in my life are truly my fault. It takes a lot for a person to kind of take a break from life and look back over it all and realize that it was their fault.
The direction I'm heading in is one of self-reliance. I've got to find a way to quit letting people get to me, quit letting their words affect me on the inside, and start taking responsibility for my life and actions. The hardest thing to do is let go of my pride and anger. It's a strong family quality that we're stubborn and quick-to-anger. It's what can happen when an Irishman meets a German woman and they procreate.
That's nothing to blame, though. I should be able to close my eyes when my friend says something I think is ignorant and count to ten and feel better, but I don't. Anger is a very hard thing for me to let go.
I see myself eventually crawling past it, though, and moving on to a life where I'm much more at peace. People will always fight, it's human nature, but I would rather fight over something that means something rather than if Indiana or Ohio is by a Great Lake.
Of course I'm hindered by financial problems. There are some things you just can't help that isn't anyone's fault, it just happens. But the real problems in my life are truly my fault. It takes a lot for a person to kind of take a break from life and look back over it all and realize that it was their fault.
The direction I'm heading in is one of self-reliance. I've got to find a way to quit letting people get to me, quit letting their words affect me on the inside, and start taking responsibility for my life and actions. The hardest thing to do is let go of my pride and anger. It's a strong family quality that we're stubborn and quick-to-anger. It's what can happen when an Irishman meets a German woman and they procreate.
That's nothing to blame, though. I should be able to close my eyes when my friend says something I think is ignorant and count to ten and feel better, but I don't. Anger is a very hard thing for me to let go.
I see myself eventually crawling past it, though, and moving on to a life where I'm much more at peace. People will always fight, it's human nature, but I would rather fight over something that means something rather than if Indiana or Ohio is by a Great Lake.
Access: Public
Goodness. Such a powerful post… and I love your awareness.
I'm going through the same thing as you right now I know it can be hard to let your pride go, it's a day by day thing. Hope you find your inner peace.
I have Irish and German blood too, and Jewish, so there's a lot of emotion. But, we all have emotion and I think it's part of the human condition to struggle with balance and the quest for peace. I often think that I will never really be perfect and balanced, but everyday I hope to improve, to think and act with more clarity and love.