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September 2009 
What is your wish for this month?
Posted on Dec 1st, 2008
by 
DudeRun
DudeRun
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for December 01, 2008:
- What do you wish to see happen during the last month of 2008?
- Right now I am failing physics. At 1:35 I was going upstairs with my best guy friend Jake (who I mentioned in my last blog) and my friend Breanna was coming down with another girl. They both told me right away my senior privelages were taken away because of Mrs. Keopke. I was like, "What the heck? My dad's outside!" So I had to quick run out to my dad and beg him to call the office and he said, "No, you got yourself into it. Get yourself out." I slammed his door, tears streaming down my face, and walked to study hall. I was so ashamed because I'd failed two physics tests and couldn't understand the extra credit. And then I had to explain that to the principal (who was confused as to why I didn't have my senior privelages) and to my study hall teacher (and the entire study hall). It was so embarrassing, because the people in my class and the teachers all kind of look at me like I'm just this bank of knowledge and now everyone in my class knows I can't keep my grades up. It was just so embarrassing to hear everyone saying, "Amanda! Amanda, you don't have senior privelages! You're a loser!" It was terrible. My wish for this last month of 2008 is to get that grade up and to never let it fall again. I try so hard in physics, but it seems almost impossible for me to do anything about it. I was thinking on the way home how I strive so hard to keep physics up and how I'm working so hard to get into college and I was like, "I don't even want to go to college and I hate physics. Why am I doing this? Because it's the right thing to do. But not for me." But I'm doing it, because it's what people expect. Before today I never thought I lived my life for others, but now I see that I do. People expect me to be a straight A student, but I can't do science or math to save my life, people expect me to go to college, but I cringe at the thought of it, and people expect me to always have a smile on my face and take it in stride, when I was in tears at having lost my senior privelages because of a test I couldn't get. I felt so silly. I want to keep my grades up, I honestly truly do, but not at the cost of who I am. I hate physics, hate it, and I despise the idea of college, but what can you do without it? There's nothing for me without college. Without it I'll end up just like my siblings and I don't want to be living in a motel with some crack dealer next door always shouting at his girlfriend because she doesn't have the right clothes. Sick.
- How do I plan to wrap up the year in preparation for the next?
- Next fall, I will be heading off to college (woohoo) and I must prepare for it. I will finish up this year working very hard on my physics, doing three English papers, working harder in government, and will kiss personal finance and my teacher's aide good bye for AP English and computer animation. Next year I've got a handful of things coming up including my graduation and beginning college. I need to be prepared. I need to fill out more scholarships, look into the FAFSA, and get the ball rolling on all of the things that will gear me towards the "right" path, no matter how much I wish I could back away from that and still live a good life. It seems, though, that despite my best efforts to walk in Jack London's footsteps it's not happening. I must finish school and finish college and be a person people can look to and nod and say, "That's how I thought she'd end up." My problem is disappointing people so I will work harder on schoolwork and try not to let anyone down. Only myself will be let down.
- Next fall, I will be heading off to college (woohoo) and I must prepare for it. I will finish up this year working very hard on my physics, doing three English papers, working harder in government, and will kiss personal finance and my teacher's aide good bye for AP English and computer animation. Next year I've got a handful of things coming up including my graduation and beginning college. I need to be prepared. I need to fill out more scholarships, look into the FAFSA, and get the ball rolling on all of the things that will gear me towards the "right" path, no matter how much I wish I could back away from that and still live a good life. It seems, though, that despite my best efforts to walk in Jack London's footsteps it's not happening. I must finish school and finish college and be a person people can look to and nod and say, "That's how I thought she'd end up." My problem is disappointing people so I will work harder on schoolwork and try not to let anyone down. Only myself will be let down.
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Sounds like despite your failing grade in Physics, you're on the right track, and you're off to do great things. College really isn't that bad, it's bound to be one of the best times of your life, but it's a lot of hard work. School isn't going to get any easier, though I'm sure that you're aware of that, and can handle it. Just remember that school, especially college isn't just about grades, it's about trying new things, and really discovering who you are as a person. School's important, but don't let it, or others around you make you miss out on those good ole life experiences.