Ok, well my future may not be finished, but it's definitely a little more defined than it had previously been. I've been pretty stressed out about my major in college and what I really would like to do with my life, but I think I've got it. For about two months I've been looking at theology and just kind of being iffy about it. I've never really been into religion or anything so I didn't really know if I would want to devote my life to it, but I think I would like it. I told my dad and he said, "You don't even know how to spell Bible!" Pah. He's an ordained pastor so he's a bit on his high pedestal right now. He probably thinks it's weird that I would want to walk down the same path as he did back in the day (he's now a farmer considering becoming a counselor). This morning he and I had a conversation where it changed from me asking him what he thought I should do to me asking him what he would do if he became a counselor. He's got a degree and everything, but he's just been content at being a farmer. I think it'd be cool if he were a counselor, though, and for him to go back and do what he really wants to do after so long (he's 57 now) it's pretty cool. We're both figuring everything out now which is awesome.

Anyways, my college major will be Theology and I'll be minoring in either Humanities or Missions. Concordia University (yay me, I got accepted) offers a program where you can minor in mission work which is pretty darn cool since I want to be a missionary and this will offer me a closer look at it all. Also both programs give you a closer look at writing and Humanities majors are more likely to get writing jobs because of that. So if I ever decide to be an editor or a publisher or what not I could still do it.

So, that's all decided. Now I might go from theological studies to pastoral studies, but how hard would Hebrew and Greek be? Who knew you needed to learn Hebrew and Greek to become a pastor? How many pastors speak HEBREW? Ah well. It'll be an experience if I do it. I can also learn Latin, which I have a really really strong desire to do.

Also, I'm trying to decide where I would like to live in the future. I'll all ready be in Portland when I graduate since that's where Concordia is and I'm thinking I could probably just stay there and hunker down for a bit and raise some funds and then go off somewhere. I'm also thinking about living in Cincinatti as well as moving over the ocean to Bucharest or London. I've heard Bucharest's traffic is CRAZY and no one has respect for pedestrians. That's a little scary to be thinking you could be walking down the street and get taken out by a motorist! London may be safer and I hear they're lowering the speed limit throughout the city to 30. Not sure if their limit is the same as mine, but 30 seems rational and safe. Or maybe I'll stay in Portland. Or I might move back to South Dakota and play it safe in Mt. Vernon for the rest of my life. I wouldn't mind it. I could walk to church haha.

I'm not sure. I've got YEARS to decide. Oh! And I also get to drop physics. Yay for me! I despise that class and it has been bringing my GPA steadily down so I'm ready to toss that aside and get to doing something else. We'll see where the road takes me, right?

Happy 2009!

4 months and 10 days till my graduation!

In the past, I've experimented with only one other religion, which I still do like a lot. When I was thirteen I went into this phase where Wiccans were just the coolest thing and then I got to learning more about it and it just opened a whole other door for me. I appreciate myself and my surroundings much much more because of my Wiccan practice. You learn so much about the power of thought and self-empowerment that it's just amazing. You also learn that nature isn't just there for you to wreck, it's there for you to care for, because it will in turn give you life. It's just a very peaceable religion and it is totally abused by the movies and by books. Very rarely do you get something that shows you how it truly goes. The Craft stays true up until a certain point, though.

I've also researched Buddhism. I got interested freshman year when we watched a video in history class and then I did a speech on it sophomore year. This year I was going to do another paper, but another girl did it and I ended up doing diabetes instead. Buddhism does interest me, though. It's another peaceable religion, but some of the rites and then the passage of life some of the men take is a little odd for me. It's just another religion, though, that helps you cleanse your mind and your soul and become very peaceable towards others and your surroundings.

I must say that while I've researched Buddhism and practiced Wicca, I wouldn't ever convert totally anymore. When I was younger Christianity frustrated me to the point where I was atheist for an amount of time. A lot of young people go through it and for me it was so absolute that the mention of religion made me angry. I felt God had failed me and therefore he could not exist. I still do have some misgivings about trusting in God and taking the Bible for what it says, but I do now practice Christianity and am content with that. I'll still research other religions, but I'm good with my own. I've come to know that it doesn't depend on some higher power whether something works out and that it's what I do and how I believe. Although there are things that happen that make me believe in God. He works in mysterious ways and I believe He has a path set for me. I just have to walk down it

I would choose not to live forever. I had this conversation with my friend after we went to the Twilight movie and I just couldn't do it. I said that I couldn't bear watching all of my friends and family die while I lived on. It would hurt too much to lose the ones I loved so much. She said that she could and it wouldn't bother her to lose her friends and family, but that she'd never lost someone before.

I've all ready lost a handful of people close to me that have shaped me through everything and have helped mold me into who I've become. To lose my brothers and my sister, my dad, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my nephews and nieces, and all of my friends would be so hard for me. If I walked on while they all died, I fear that I would become an extremely bitter person. The death of my cousin has left me extremely angry and more than a little bit lost. If everyone were to die, where would I go? What would I do?

True, I'd have more time to do the things that I wanted, but what importance would they really be without those that I planned to enjoy those times with? And after awhile the bands I enjoyed would perish as well and I would be left without anything that I'd really held onto.

Even a hundred extra years would seem too much for me. I think the perfect age for me to would be about 80 years old. I will have seen and done things and lived a moderately good life. I will have graduated from college and will hopefully use my degree. I hope to be a missionary and travel the world and raise money to help South Dakota and my hometown out. God knows we could use better schools and roads. I hope to be married and have children and I hope to live to see my grandchildren. I want to write a book and play in a band and see my favorite bands perform. By 80 all of that should be accomplished. If not, I'll just have to try to live until I'm 81. =]