Prom is rearing its ugly head in Mt. Vernon and I have just become the owner of a purple dress with spaghetti strap ties on the back. The problem is that if I tighten the straps my fat oozes out the sides of the dress. Yes, I could get a bigger dress or let it out, but this dress was FREE and from a friend. I couldn't harm her sister's dress. It's such a gorgeous dress. So now I must shrink to fit it. The one problem with that is my boobs will be EVEN SMALLER in the gown and I can only tie it so tight so that that won't be a huge problem at the dance.

Anyways, my teenage body image problems are going to be fixed. I was going to start losing weight for college this fall anyway, so I might as well start now. The original plan was that I wouldn't even go to prom, but the dress beckoned me.

So tomorrow I am starting my diet/excercise regime. I haven't run in awhile so that's gonna be a sore thing. My hips are going to be killing me, but it'll help my back so I'm still all right with it. Anyways I will be running about 1/4 of a mile tomorrow and then I will walk the rest of that. I will also be cutting out my "bad foods". The cookies, the chips, the candies, the sodas. I don't really intake any of that anyway, but I did bake cookies together so I'm going to have to stay away from them. And the cinnamon chips I love to munch on so much.

My problem is really determination. I fizzle after a bit and then eat whatever I want and start going lax with my excercise. It happened last year, but this year I'm really going to strive for it not to happen again. I want to lose weight and be happy. I don't want to be a rail, but I want to be a normal and healthy weight for my height. Which means I need to lose at least 70 pounds for that to happen and if I lose 80, I'll still be happy. But I want to at least be able to give blood so 70 pounds is my goal by this September. Which, according to The Daily Plate, is completely doable. Just need faith.

They say you regret the things you never did more than the things you did and I think that is SO true. I look back and I can see all of the dumb conversations I've had, because I let my tongue get too far ahead of my brain and I can see me screaming at the top of my lungs on a crowded main street during midway, but I don't regret it. I get embarrassed when I think about certain things, but I don't regret them. I regret not saying things or NOT screaming at the top of my lungs on crowded streets.

I just know that I will never regret DOING something. I don't regret stepping out of my introverted shell to talk to people or to make appointments or to pay things or to help people out. I feel awkward and a little silly, but after it's all said and done I feel so much better.

Lately, I've been laughing at the top of my lungs when people say something funny. I have the dumbest laugh and I sound so much like my sister. I hate my laugh, but I think I'd regret always stifling it. I can't believe I've been so quiet for so long. That's what I regret. For being so quiet through my days when I could have been having fun with my classmates.

I had to do a project with this boy that I don't talk to on a regular basis. I was happy that I got a boy that would DO something and not just sit there, but we didn't really have a good communication established. After the project, which we both researched and highlighted and added things in, he came up to me and started talking to me about it. I was smiling and nodding and saying how good we worked together and he was agreeing and laughing. If I had just nodded and went back to reading, I would have run that through my head a million times and chastised myself. But I got into the conversation. It was a little awkward, since we aren't the best of friends, but it was good and it went well. I don't regret talking to him. I don't regret finally being myself around him, if only just a little bit.

I say everyone should do that. If you're cripplingly shy, like myself, I say you should try to go out of your way to talk to someone new. Or do something. I can barely make doctor's appointments by myself so if you have trouble with that, go for it. Make an appointment. Smile at someone new in the hallway. Talk to a teacher! Be more you to the people that don't get to see that. I guarantee you won't regret it!

I was talking to a friend today and we got on the topic of a mutual friends of ours. I was telling her how our mutual friend had badmouthed her during their freshman and sophomore years, but she's been doing better lately. The friend I was talking with put out bluntly, "I don't like her at all."

I just stood there. It felt like the ground shook when she said that. She is one of the most accepting people I know. She is always smiling or laughing. She befriends the weirdos no one else goes up to and she just LOVES people. I both love and hate that about her, so when she told me this I was just sent for a spin.

By the end of the day, she came up to me and said, "I don't think I'm going to talk to her anymore. She's saying this stuff behind my back so she isn't a good friend, obviously."

I was just thoroughly confused how a few things from a year or two ago could impact her so much when she is how she is, but I guess it showed me a different side of her I hadn't ever witnessed. She's human like everyone else and she can get angry and feel betrayed.