So Much

All righty, let's see...

I've decided not to go to school. I think this blog highlights all of the misgivings I had about school so I won't go into that now (or again, heh). I've decided instead to just raise money and do some traveling. I'm hoping through traveling, searching deep into the corners of the earth, and meeting some really remarkable people that I'll find where God wants me to be. If He just wants me to travel then so be it. I'll work at Wal Mart for the rest of my life and finance my trips.

I'm hoping once I'm done with my world trip that I'll go to school and then pay back my loans. When that's all said and done I'm hoping to raise money to join the Peace Corp and then again to intern with To Write Love On Her Arms. I saw a TWLOHA speaker at Lifelight this past weekend and it really inspired me. The things that people see are amazing and incredible.

I guess I'm finding my faith again after being pretty shaky. I'm just discovering how much God is really there. This past weekend really helped me out. It was my birthday, actually. Yay for 19. But I went to go see Kutless and Disciple and the Kutless show really reopened my eyes. Last year during Sanctus Real I got this feeling where everything would be alright and I needn't worry, because God was there. This year during Kutless I got that feeling, but it was magnified by about a thousand. As Jon Micah sang Sea of Faces, I got this warm feeling and I just raised my hands in the air and I felt completely serene.

After that I met a girl named Rachel who told me that God would use me to be a refreshing source of faith to others that I met. Honestly, even though she didn't say much or go into depth it helped me. I was feeling really down and out lately and her saying that she felt I had a purpose made me feel better.

I'm also reevaluating all my friends. I feel that some are still taking advantage of me even after I felt that I weeded out the bad friends. It feels as though the girl I've been friends with forever is now only thinking of herself and I come second. Granted, she's pregnant, but I still don't like to be used and trampled on like I don't have feelings or thoughts. And I have another friend who says things to me like she doesn't think before she says it. It seems as if she thinks that anything she says won't effect me so she can unleash any poison at all and it'll be alright.

I'm not giving up these friends. I love them. But I'm thinking God is just trying to tell me to take a little time for myself and think things through more clearly from now on.

I got a job, though. I'm working as a cashier at Wal Mart. I get paid $7.90 by the hour so that's not so bad. I'm trying to pay off my credit card that my dad racked up a huge bill on and then figure out expenses for my trip while still working in costs for CDs and a few concerts, because even though I'm serious about the trip I cannot possibly give up my love of live music for it. And I won't. Even if I have to set the trip back a year, I'm going to Disciple in November and we'll see further on which bands pop into the area.

Later. <3

--Amanda